Monday at breakfast I decided that I would get Ken to give me a massage. This is another incident of expectations and experiences being worlds apart. I really thought it would be an exquisite massage, combined with acupressure points in some way. Afterwards I would feel relaxed and slightly tingly. Yum. I had spent the last week under a great deal of stress, with a concentration of sexual energy which wouldn't dissipate, despite how diligent the attempts. The session lasted twice the amount of time I had expected. I spent the bulk of the time, feeling as if my skin were flooded with energy to the point of bursting. I kept having the feeling that it would feel really good to make incisions in each finger tip, so that the energy would explode outward. My body is arched -- I have two points of contact with the table: my head and my ankles. Meanwhile, Ken has my hand and is asking me questions. Weeping, I tell him what I want, why I am here at Sirius and keep answering the questions. By the time this session ends, my experiences prior to Sirius seem to fall into place, and I have a feeling of clarity, I am quivering but calm and centered. I drink two liters of fluids and am so wobbly that I can not stand. It takes almost two days to fully regain my gross motor skills. I would do it again.
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