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Two-actor theory

This is my coinage for the next step up from solopsism. Where the solopsist sees only one person in the universe, the two-actor theorist sees two: himself, and everybody else. It expresses itself in logic like "I can be mean to you because someone was mean to me this morning.

I rather suspect that modern urban living nourishes this sort of thinking. Our emotiional reactions aren't built for so many random anonymous encounters, so we cram "other person" into one team, to be handled collectively.

I find this concept useful enough that I suspect someone else must have coined a less-ungainly phrase for it already.

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Antonyms

flammable:inflammable
regardless:irregardless
Genuity:ingenuity
eros:Aneros

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Proposed new internet slang

FODL: falls off dinosaur laughing, for sneering at very old jokes.

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Duelling jargons

Checking in at the hospital front desk to get my white cell-stimulating shot, I reviewed my personal info with the clerk.

"Your emergency contact is [Yaga Griswold] at [Yaga's address]?

"Yes."

"And what's your relation to her--S.O.?"

"Yup."

"Okay. Who's your primary?"

"..."

"Dr. Fishman?"

"Oh! Yeah. Dr. Fishman."

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Monkey Flavor

Some years ago, a friend of mine got married in Connecticut, and a whole crowd of my crowd travelled down for the event. I stayed in E'beth and Hacksaw's hotel room, where I learned that their toothpaste of choice is Tom's of Maine Outrageous Orange Natural Anticavity Toothpaste For Children (who said Mainers were taciturn?). At the time, the product design featured pictures of an orange, a banana, a pineapple, and a monkey. Intrigued, I checked the ingredients list, which explained that the toothpaste features orange, banana, pineapple, and other natural flavors.

Since then, I've generally assumed that the mysterious 'other natural flavors' on ingredients lists refers to monkey extract. And you'll notice that Tom doesn't deny it.

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